Six….

On the 16th May 2005 I remember sitting in my back garden on a beautiful summers day. My massive belly rested on my lap and I watched it move, wondering which limb was leading in the bid for freedom.

I knew that within the next few days I would be meeting my daughter for the first time and I tried my hardest to picture her face. I already loved her enough to die for her, but I was consumed with questions about who it was that I was so in love with.

Would she have blue eyes like her Dad or green eyes like me and her older brother? Would she inherit his dark curls or my boring mousey frizz? Would we have the bond that only mothers and daughters have or would she break my heart daily.

Six Years later I know that face by heart. I can recall in my mind every freckle, dimple and eyelash on her beautiful head. I brush her long blond locks every morning and wonder at the depth of her massive eyes and the length of her dark eyelashes.

I know every inch of her heart and her mind. I can tell foretell her reaction to situations before they even occur. If I want to see her face light up with happiness, I simply need to tell her that she has pleased me, that I’m proud of her or that shes the most special girl in my world. I can already see that she will grow to be a good person, as she lives to make other people happy, a trait that is both endearing and slightly worrying.

I recently read a prayer written by one of my heros Tina Fey, for her daughter.

Heres my own version:

Lord,

Let her never suffer with the frizz that runs my life. May she be blessed with the ability to wash and run, without having to comb through seven different products and spend an hour straightening, before seeing all her hard work for naught, whenever a shower appears. I’m starting off on a perhaps superficial note, but one that’s importance is only recognisable to one who has walked in my shoes.

Let her never doubt her worth, never settle for anything but what she deserves in life. Let her never bring home the type of man who makes my skin crawl, and causes her father sleepless nights. Let whoever she spends her life with worship her, and consider himself to be blessed in every day she chooses to share with him.

Let her not ever feel unlucky for never having a sister. I already regret that I haven’t been able to provide her with this amazing gift. Let her instead have lifelong female friends, with whom she will go from sharing BigMacs to Bacardi Breezers to cups of tea and apple crumble. Let her remain forever close to her two brothers, the older one who will always protect her, and the younger one who she will phone in years to come to remind him to send birthday cards to his parents.

Let her be sure of who she is, and always know that she is loved, no matter what choices she makes and where she finds her place in life. Let her always know that she has a home, where she belongs and where she will always be greeted with open arms. May she always know that its not the weight of the load that breaks you, but how you carry it.

Finally and most importantly, let her be happy x

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