To the Minister for Education…

Dear Minister,

I love complaining about money. Its the only hobby I can afford these days thanks to your buddies up there in the house of Leinster. But I really need to get this off my chest..

Dude, are you freaking kidding me with these book lists!!!!!!!

As you’ve obviously been napping for the last five years let me fill you in on what’s been happening. Theres a recession going on, and while we parents have reluctantly entertained your every whim what with the childrens allowance cuts etc we can no longer stand for the ridiculous rules and regulations that are putting us into debt in order to get our children their “free” education.

My eldest is going into first year soon. At the start of the summer we were issued with our “welcome” pack. The term “welcome” was obviously used to lure us into a false sense of security while they whacked me about the head and took all my money. The books cost €500. The school doesn’t have a rental scheme and the books weren’t available second hand. The books are replaced every year with new editions. This practice has to stop. How can you justify replacing books every year and deeming last years edition obsolete?? Have they discovered serious changes in world events and history? I say that unless it becomes clear that Hitler never existed and the Second World War was due to a woman from Scunthorpe called Margaret, leave the texts alone! As far as I’m aware land only moves a couple of millimetres every thousand years, so unless Greece takes flight and lands outside The Bronx we don’t need to throw our old Atlas away.

Anyway I paid for the books, picked myself up of the floor, had a stiff drink and went to get the uniforms. My day, was not about to improve. While Dunnes provide grey pants in teenage sizes for €8-10, Seans school insist that the pants be bought from a local mens suit shop. These particular grey pants cost €33-35. Whats the difference you ask? Have the later pair got inbuilt surround sound? Do they have one of those slimming panels that hide those lumps and bumps? No. They have a label attached to the pocket approx .5cm x .5 cm bearing the schools initials. I kid you not.

Now minister, I ask you, are grey pants not grey pants? People are losing their jobs, their houses, their savings, and their dignity. How can this practice be allowed?

Each secondary school child is costing an average of €800 to kit out to return to school. Parents are turning against their young. I have to admit that when, forced to hand over my hard earned savings, I looked at Sean with slitty eyes. He was, of course, dead right to protest that it wasn’t actually his fault, but still, I was a little bit mad at him for a while.

I’m seriously considering a revolt. Bring back hedge schools I reckon. Surely if all of us parents club together we could teach a group of moody teens some life skills. I have a currently useless business degree. Can’t I put it to use? I can teach the basics of Economics and Accounting sure, but I can also teach the youth of today such skills as stacking the dishwasher, optimising space, and talking traffic wardens out of issuing parking fines, or budgeting, as I prefer to call it.

But seriously Minister, the inexcusable cost of school books could be put to better use. I suggest that we be allowed to put that money towards a family holiday in Ireland, therefore saving the tourist industry in one foul swoop. Pass that idea in next door to the Minister for Tourism, even take credit for it, I don’t mind.

You’re on your last warning from me Minister, don’t make me come up there and deal with you in person.

Yours Truly,

Disgruntled Parent.

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